i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
