Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
