awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
