note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize