i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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