ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
