why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
