Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
