Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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