We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
