I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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