Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
