Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
