He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
