Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Couch. On fire.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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