saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You need Xanax blowdarts
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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