A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize