his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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