but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
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Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize