I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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