I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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