At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
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I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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