I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
