I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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