So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
