I smell stomach acid.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Randomize
