it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
