He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
