Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
