wanna go halves on a baby?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
