You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
