it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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