I seem to have left my pride at pride
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
