she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
