I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
