I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
