one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Drunk is a universal language darling
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
