you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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