so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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