i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
