In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
