Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
