yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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