Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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