my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
