I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
