She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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