If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
