apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
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I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
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Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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