did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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