Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
need another drink. this is the easiest way
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
