R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
