I need to stop coming to work sober
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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