I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
