eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
