So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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