And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
