My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
