Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
