I'm pants shitting drunk right now
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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