Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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