Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
