We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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