I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Vodka?
Forever.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
