I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
