my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
