I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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