Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
