So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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