you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
