I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I will be naked everywhere
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
