just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
