i wish there were pregnant emoticons
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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