my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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