in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I am available for nakedness
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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