Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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