Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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