He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
honey bunches of taint.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
