I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
lol hangovers are for mortals.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
